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Post new topic This topic is locked, you cannot edit posts or make further replies.  [ 4 posts ] 
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 27, 2009 2:23 pm 
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Joined: Tue Aug 27, 2002 8:35 am
Posts: 7404
Location: Monticello, FL or in the middle of the storm
The spring of 2009 brought an interesting phone call which is the reason for this notice. Someone impersonating a lawyer was demanding to know the real identity of one of our members. I say impersonating a lawyer because of his profound lack of knowledge in even the most basic civil procedures. This belief was enhanced by the way he hung up when I asked him for more specific information.

On that day I set some rules that will be enforced with draconian rigidity. Here they are:

Identity and contact information of forum users is confidential. We are talking confidential right up there with the priest taking confession and President Clinton's Secret Service detail.

Unless you are up for ten minutes of verbal abuse at your expense, forget the phone. Requests for identity and/or contact data on any of our users or any information about the posts on this forum need to be in writing.

That request needs to have a check attached to it. The fee for having me act as your investigator is $900 (USD) per request. If you want one identity, that's $900 (USD). If you want three indentities and two posts, that will be $4500 (USD).

All fees are payable in advance and non refundable. That is regardless of whether or not I am required to or able to comply with your request. In fact your check will be cashed, cleared the bank and the money in my hand before I even read your request. Whether I do the digging and discover the user's contact information goes back to an open relay server in the Netherlands or your demand is complete garbage and I don't have to do anything with it, the money is still mine to do with as I choose.

Now for the nature of your request. Unless you want me to use your request to light my barbecue it had better come in the correct form. If you aren't an attorney, get one. You are going to need it. If you are an attorney, you know what to do.

As an attorney you had better know what to do because the first thing I'm going to do after cashing your check is show your paper work to my attorney. He will determine whether or not I can use it to start my barbecue. As an added bonus I may use the proceeds from the check you sent me to pay him to deal with your request, including legally kill it if need be. That is assuming he doesn't do it for free simply for the entertainment value.

As to where to send your request: You're the smart one. If you know what you are doing you, know how to find out where to send it.

So there it is. Do your worst and don't forget the check.

None of the above applies to United States based local, county, state or federal law enforcement agencies. Law enforcement agency requests will be honored without hesitation. Proper identification will be required. After that you name it, you got it.

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Job description: Operate, drive and maintain the truck, keeper of The Book of Lies, safety and security consultant, meteorologist, travel agent, diesel fuel commodities trader, snack fetcher, bouncer and other duties as needed or assigned.


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 27, 2009 4:15 pm 
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Joined: Tue Oct 07, 2003 7:39 am
Posts: 5426
Location: 41.7679N 88.87529W
And send me a check too. :)

Neal

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You'll get mixed up, of course, as you already know. You'll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that Life's a Great Balancing Act.
Dr. Seuss - Oh, the Places You'll Go


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 27, 2009 6:15 pm 
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Joined: Tue Aug 27, 2002 8:35 am
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Location: Monticello, FL or in the middle of the storm
I thought I locked this thread...

:-|

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Job description: Operate, drive and maintain the truck, keeper of The Book of Lies, safety and security consultant, meteorologist, travel agent, diesel fuel commodities trader, snack fetcher, bouncer and other duties as needed or assigned.


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 27, 2009 9:50 pm 
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Joined: Tue Oct 07, 2003 7:39 am
Posts: 5426
Location: 41.7679N 88.87529W
Leland_Kesler wrote:
I thought I locked this thread...

:-|

It's locked, but that was important information to add. :307Ale:

Neal

_________________
You'll get mixed up, of course, as you already know. You'll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that Life's a Great Balancing Act.
Dr. Seuss - Oh, the Places You'll Go


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